Depression is a word that did not fit in my vocabulary. Especially as a word to describe myself or my experience.
I’ve been thinking back, trying to figure out why.
• Maybe it was that no one in my family mentioned it.
• Maybe it was because I’ve always been a high achiever who loves to laugh. (That “happy” person in your life)
• Perhaps it was because I had friends who struggled with extreme life long depression. (In my brain that was the only representation of depression)
• Maybe it was because my family is the definition of the word resilient. There is no room for anything else.
• Maybe because I come from a culture where we don’t look for diagnosis, we just push through whatever it is.
• Maybe it was because I never slowed down to look.
• Maybe I felt lucky, I compared my life to my friends and family and felt guilty that my struggles were different.
Yet – the things that makeup depression have present in my life. For some years now.
Here’s the wild thing: I had no idea! It was all thanks to a friend, who happens to be a licensed counselor. She suggested that I take an assessment to see if those feelings I’ve been experiencing added up to something more. Two weeks ago, I did. The results? Mild depression symptoms.
Ahhhhh! This explains a lot.
Like why sometimes it’s so hard to make myself do simple things. Or why I can’t bring myself to go hang out with people. Or why I kept turning work down. Or why I’ve stopped doing things I enjoy.
I know from the outside, I look like this superwoman. Standing on stages, mentoring, and coaching other people. And while all of that is true. I am also the same woman that sometimes struggles. Taking the depression + anxiety assessment helped me understand myself better, and I can take care of myself more compassionately now.
I’m not writing this ask for help or to tell you to worry about me. Awareness is what I needed to change a few things, and I’m on a journey to learn to take better care of myself.
I’m writing because I want to tell you that the word depression is a part of my vocabulary now.
Starting a business/creative project is HARD. It requires you to show up as your authentic self. It requires you to push yourself, to promote yourself to challenge yourself.
Yet, somehow – in many entrepreneurship/start-up circles. Some topics are off limits. Politics. Mental Health. Vulnerability. How can we expect people to show up as themselves when we limit what parts of themselves they can bring to a space?
We believe in building spaces that foster entrepreneurship AND invite people to bring their full radical selves.
Whatever you’re going through, you are not alone. Entrepreneurship and creative work can be lonely.
Take care friends,